The Birds and The Bees
by Takianna
Summary: So how do jedi padawans learn about sex? Well I have an idea. This is one of the very first fics I wrote. It was to make a friend laugh! I hope you laugh too!


**The Birds and The Bees**

Obi-wan Kenobi, master of Anakin Skywalker, paced in front of the large windows in the Jedi Council chamber. He rubbed his hand over the stubble growing on his chin. This, he thought, was probably the hardest thing he had ever had to do the whole time he'd been a Jedi.

"You wanted to see me master?" Anakin said from the door way. He had been summoned from lightsaber practice to talk with his master. It wasn't unusual for Obi-wan to want to see him during the day. Anakin believed it was yet another chance for Obi-wan to tell him to be mindful of the living force.

"Yes," Obi-wan said never taking his eyes from the scene outside the large transparsteel window. It was unnerving to think of what he must do. "Please, come in and have a seat."

Anakin gasped. It was either something very awful or he was in big trouble. He had never been asked to sit in the Council chamber before. He strode to the nearest seat and sat down. He was 13 now and growing taller everyday. His limbs, long and lanky, sometimes would betray him as he walked. Anakin had become very clumsy.

Obi-wan turned from the window, but did not take a seat. Instead he continued to pace around the room. Trying everything he could to think of how to tell Anakin what he had been ordered to tell him. Obi-wan didn't think the boy was ready, but others were sure he was. "It's better to be safe, then sorry," others had said when Obi-wan had asked about it.

"What did you need?" Anakin asked, his voice respectful of the place they were in. He dared not speak any louder then a hushed whisper for fear of his voice echoing throughout the room and reverberating off of the walls.

"There is something," Obi-wan started and stopped pacing to look at his padawan. Obi-wan was very uncomfortable, but he had been given orders. You didn't go against what Master Yoda told you to do. "I need to discuss something very delicate with you."

Anakin smiled. He had wondered why his master had been so preoccupied when he had entered the chamber. It was something Obi-wan didn't want to talk about. The smile on Anakin's face grew larger.

"Exactly what do you need to discuss with me?" Anakin smirked. It was great watching his master squirm.

"There comes a time in every young man's life," Obi-wan started. "When women become very important."

Anakin laughed. The chuckle escaped his mouth before he could stop it. Anakin's hand flew up to cover his mouth.

"Anakin," Obi-wan said giving the padawan a reproachful look, "you have to be a little more serious about this. I don't really like having to tell you this myself, but there are those on the council who believe you need to know. I guess every young man needs to know."

"Master," Anakin said trying to keep from smiling, "I know you are uncomfortable telling me this. I will try to make it easier."

"I'm sure you will," Obi-wan said sarcastically. "Well when a young man likes a young woman, sometimes they wish to take things further. Kissing, holding hands and touching are all part of that."

"What kind of touching?" Anakin asked before Obi-wan could continue.

"Down there," Obi-wan said.

"Where?" Anakin asked.

"You know," Obi-wan said getting frustrated. "Below the waist."

"Oh," Anakin said a look of thoughtfulness on his face. Then it hit him where Obi-wan was describing. "OHHHHHHHH!"

"Anakin!"

"I'm sorry master. You know you could just say penis. I would've known then. By the way, what is that called on a girl? It starts with a v, I think."

"It's not important Anakin," Obi-wan began pacing again. It was hard to keep Anakin on task with regular things and now he had to tell him about sex. This was proving to be impossible. Obi-wan sighed and began again. "So you know about touching. There is more though. You need to know about this so you can stay safe. Although, I don't think you'll be doing anything we talk about."

"Why not?"

"Sex is associated with attachment."

"Doesn't have to be though, right?"

"There are times when you may need to get sexual tension out, but we'll discuss that later. Right now we are talking about sex with a woman."

"Why not a man?"

"Anakin..."

"I was just throwing that out there."

"Thank you."

Obi-wan turned around to face Anakin square on. "Now when two people decide to have sex there is what is called foreplay."

"Okay," Anakin said. "What does that mean?"

"It could be more touching or maybe a woman giving a man oral gratification or vice versa."

"What?"

"You didn't understand," Obi-wan asked.

"No, I understand, but why would you put your mouth there on a woman?" Anakin asked a sour look on his face. "Have you ever done it?"

"Huh?" Obi-wan asked surprised.

"Here you are telling me all about this stuff, have you ever done it?"

"I don't think that is relative to the subject."

"And why not? I mean if I'm going to have to learn about these things I want to make sure the person telling me knows what they are talking about. I wouldn't just walk up to someone on the street and ask them about lightsaber forms. It would have to be someone who knew what they are talking about."

"I've done some of it"

"With who?"

"Now I know that has nothing to do with the subject."

"Sorry master," Anakin said backing away from the argument. "Continue."

"So there is foreplay. It's the best way to make sure your partner is satisfied," Obi-wan said. "Don't be selfish."

Anakin sat, still smiling and looking at his master.

"During foreplay, a man will become aroused and well his penis will become stiff," Obi-wan said trying to be delicate.

"You mean like at night when I have those dreams?" Anakin asked.

"Yes," Obi-wan said looking down at the floor. "Like when you have those dreams. Then when your penis is like that you place it inside of the woman."

"In that place?"

"Yes, Anakin it's called a vagina."

"Okay. Then what? You just lay there on top of some girl and nothing happens."

"I didn't say that. There is some motion. You will know what to do."

"I thought I wasn't supposed to be doing it."

"Yes, you aren't because it makes some feel attached to their partner. Besides you are awfully young for sex."

"Why are you telling me this then?"

"I was ordered by Master Yoda so you would be prepared. Can we get back to talking about the act, please?"

"Talk away."

Obi-wan started again. "So there will be some movement and then, well you will spill your seed into the female."

Anakin laughed again. It sounded so funny. The words his master had chosen were silly.

"Master," Anakin started. "That is really gross, you know that right?"

"It's what happens."

"What is the purpose?"

"The purpose is to get a woman pregnant. You know reproduce. Yet, another reason Jedi shouldn't be participating in such acts."

"You said there was another way to alleviate these tensions. What is it?"

"Well you can pleasure yourself. You use your hand and do it in the privacy of your own room."

Obi-wan stressed the last part of the sentence so his padawan didn't get the wrong idea.

"Is that what you do?" Anakin asked.

"Is that any of your business?" Obi-wan asked giving Anakin a stern look.

"I'm just saying. Is that how most Jedi take care of their needs?"

"I don't know what other Jedi do, but there are some Jedi who pay women of the night to help them relieve their tensions."

"Where do they get the money?"

"You know we have funds that are discretionary to us. That is how they get the money."

Obi-wan paused for a long moment. He waited for Anakin to ask any other questions.

"Is there anything else you wish to ask?" Obi-wan asked.

"I think you've covered it," Anakin said rising from his seat. "Can I go?"

"You are excused," Obi-wan said. Before his padawan got to the door he called to him. "Anakin, let's keep this between us. Let your friends find out from their masters."

"Believe me, I don't want anyone to know what you told me," Anakin said and then slipped out the door.


End file.
